My first "girlfriend" (sort of LGBTQ+ experience) - with alot of drama

When I moved into the United States, to finish my two years of high school as an exchange student, I met a girl named Lydia. She was a year younger than me, and was in my Algebra II and Stage and TV Makeup Class. We started talking and became close friends, but when covid hit my town in March of 2020, I had to go back to Brazil and finish my junior year online. Me and Lydia continued texting and having ocasional phone calls but not that often.

In my senior year, because of covid, my school was having a hybrid schedule, meaning half of the school was going presencial monday and tuesday, while the other half was going thursday and friday, and when you weren't presencial, you would be learning online. Wednesdays were "work days". Me and Lydia had one class together, Pre - Calculus CP, and because of that schedule, we would only see each other twice a week. When I came back from Brazil for my senior year, we saw each other in school, but I lived in the dorms, and it had many rules, that were even stricter because of Covid - 19. One of the rules was that dorm students werent allowed to go into day student houses, so me and Lydia couldn't hang out much. Another rule was that dorm students weren't allowed to go into day students cars, so me and Lydia couldn't even go on dates. Anyways, we were just flirty friends by that point.

Then christmas break came and Lydia TEXTED me and said that she really liked me and that she wanted to do this on person but never had the opportunity. Honestly I had a panic attack and called my friend who was in her families house for break, while I stayed in the dorms. So me and Lydia started dating.

We were barelly hanging out in school and with my strict ballet schedule, and her going home right after school, we never got to hang out after school. We would spend our lunch time together, while she would eat and we would talk. Lydia would tell me that I had to eat something but I told her I wasn't hungry every time.

We never kissed. In the about 2 months we were together, we did not kiss at all.

I felt like I was a 12 year old relationship between a 17yo and a 18yo.

A little while after that, I asked Lydia if we could talk after the last class of the day, Pre-Calc CP. We sat on the stairs between the Math and Science building and the gym, facing the football and soccer field. I told her that I felt like this wasn't working out because we could never spend time together, besides the videocalls we would have not every night. And I said that I thought we should break up. That was on a friday.

The weekend passed, and because of our school's hybrid schedule, me and Lydia would only see each other again on thursday. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of that week however were dedicated for the school's competitions, where freshmans, sophomores, juniors and seniors would compete against each other, and therefore, not have actual classses. I was going to work on the seniors snow statue and I passed through Lydia talking with Michael. Michael is a 17yo boy who during christmas break asked me out through a text, and that Lydia and I laughed about it.

She is the jealous type of person, and told me to just tell him no, which I agreed, because I shouldn't lead him on just to tell him no in person, after winter break.

Lydia and Michael started dating two days after that.

They kept texting me about it and saying "oh but are your okay about it" - Michael or "I am sorry, but I move on fast, that doesn't mean you didn't mean anything to me". - Lydia. And I kept telling them to stop texting me, because I didn't care about who or what they were doing, and eventually (about a month after) they stopped.

I did go on a walk with Michael about a week after they started dating and told him how it bothered me that they kept texting me, and he sayd okay, I will stop, but I can't say I am sorry for dating her because I fu**king love her, man. And I am like, I don't wanna fu**king hear that.

Lydia texted me and said something along the lines of: "Hey bro, I heard you are crying in your room and I am sorry that I upset you but I am not sorry I am dating michael bro." So I answer with: "BRO, I don't know why Michael keeps telling you I am crying in my room about it since he doens't know the first thing about me. Leave me alone BRO".

Yesterday however, I went to my friends house and I knew Lydia could be there since we used to hang out, the three of us, in this friends house, before everything happened, but I wasn't sure if she was coming. She came. We hung out. The three of us. It was okay. I spent the whole day there but wasn't allowed to sleep because the summer ballet intensive in my school isn't allowing sleep overs.

Well, thats how my relationship is with her now. She started following my finsta and my normal instagram, and I started following her instagram back. Lydia also added my snap a little after I left and I added her back this morning.

I want to make another post about this but I am leaning alot into girls, but I am still into guys.

Do you have any experiences of your own or any advices for me?

Thank you for reading ;)