Something new I’m trying
Every so often I make a new "deal" with myself. They often don't last long because I'm not super commited to them or they hinge on unrealistic expectations for myself, but I think this one could work. I've never seen anyone else have something like this, so I'm curious to see if anyone has thoughts or wants to try it with me.
Basically, I'm letting myself relapse. I can hurt myself if I want to, I can take whatever drugs I want to take and I can drink copiously if I want to, and I can starve myself to my heart's content. But I can only do all of this if I become less of a loser. I have to spend most of my time doing things that are interesting and fulfilling, and I'm not allowing myself to scroll endlessly on social media. To me, scrolling is a waste of life. But I've decided that starving and drugs and hurting myself aren't a waste of life, they're an expression of it. Part of the reason I do those things is so that I feel alive.
So I'm thinking, if I spend most of my time learning new things and trying new hobbies and making friends, then maybe I won't feel the urge to hurt myself or do drugs or starve. It's fine if I still do, but my reasoning is maybe I won't if I make myself do a little more living.
Worst thing that happens is I relapse into everything badly and I also have new hobbies and interests. And I was probably going to relapse anyway, at least this way I'll be a little more interesting. Yay! 🖤